Feeling in another language (8).

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I have found this:

One of the best ways to find the hidden God in the world around us, is through my lens.

It’s almost impossible not to find glimpses of something deeper and immense when you get a genuine picture that came out of your soul.

When I make pictures with my heart … I’m praying … and my deepest pains and sorrows somehow find relief at the time that my camera “clicks”.

It is likely that because of my sufferings, my view of God is changing dramatically at the same time my emotions and my way of believing and seeing this mystery we call life also changes.

As someone who regularly takes antidepressants, anxiolytics and antipsychotics, I am used to feel weird and feel the inevitable weight of the stares of others on me…particularly, people in the religious world.

That’s why my camera has become a safe place, where silence, light and images, keep me in company in the darkest moments.

While I struggle every day to believe and not succumb to my worst and most horrible ideas, sometimes just a short walk through my yard with my camera and the dark clouds begin to fade.

Before, God was in my Bible, the church, spiritual songs, preaching, biblical teaching, worship, and thousands of activities and pretexts that never left the vast calamity of my soul go outside for help.

Today God is in my camera, my lens, on my tired eyes, and all that is small and invisible around me, reflecting what I am and what God is in each photo that captures my memory.

I have found this:

Life is not like I thought, it’s not like I wanted, and now … now everything is painfully slow and sharp.

Living is like trying to fly without wings. So fearful and quiet, I try to discover the God who for so long had not known and whom my eyes full of theories and letters failed to see.

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